“The most important decision you’ll ever make has nothing to do with your money or career – it is who you marry.” – Warren Buffett
I got engaged to my wife in Iceland 4 years ago last week.
I’ve flown combat missions, built and sold businesses, and made (and lost) millions as a professional investor.
And this is the smartest thing Warren has ever said.
Here are (5) non-obvious lessons I’ve learned by picking the right partner:
1. Marrying a true partner is the greatest gift a high performer can give themselves.
As entrepreneurs, we normalize the pressure of juggling glass balls and having the weight of the world on our shoulders. (This is often self-induced, but that’s a story for another post).
A good partner acts as a support system, helping to manage the emotional weight, hold space in difficult times, and picks up the slack when the balls inevitably start dropping.
But a truly great partner?
They can step in and carry the load.
When I was at my lowest, staring down the barrel of a failing business, there came a day when it all felt like too much, and I told my wife I was too exhausted and overwhelmed to face the day.
A good partner would’ve calmed me down, told me it would all be ok, and said, “You’ve got this.”
Instead, on that day, my wife said something that fundamentally altered my world.
“Stay in bed. I’ll run your company today.”
In that moment, for the first time in my life, I was able to let go of the illusion of aloneness and truly be held by someone else.
2. Qualities are inherent to humans, not genders.
That moment enabled a deepening of our relationship that transcends the rigid constructs that keep so many of us trapped.
We don’t limit ourselves to fixed definitions of “masculine’ and “feminine.” Instead, we move in and out of roles with fluidity, as life invites us.
We both lead, provide, and protect. This allows us both to nurture, soften, and listen.
Rather than performing a construct, we respond to what’s needed – and as a result have become more full-spectrum humans.
3. When you can truly let go, greatness can emerge
After I sold that failing business for a loss, I faced the daunting task of rebuilding, personally and professionally. I was burnt out, beaten down, and exhausted.
But instead of having to refocus and start earning immediately, my wife gave me the greatest gift of my life: space.
She knew that coaching was my highest calling. She didn’t just support my dreams. She enabled them.
She paid the bills. She gave me the space to heal.
She shouldered the burden so that my true purpose could emerge from the ashes.
And for that, I’ll be forever grateful.
4. The right partner doesn’t just support your evolution – they deepen it
I’ve never had to shrink to be loved by Claire.
Our whole lives, we’ve both been told by others that we can be “too much.”
She sees my muchness, and instead of dimming my light, she invites more.
The wrong relationship will drain you. It will make you second-guess your truth, dilute your power, and play small to stay safe.
But Claire won’t let me play small. She loves me too fiercely for that.
Instead of being triggered by my wins, she embodies them as if they were her own.
She sees things in me I often can’t even see in myself, and she sets the stage for them to emerge.
That’s the paradox:
The more I let go of who I thought I had to be…
The more fully I’ve unlocked who I was always meant to be.
And Claire saw it all before I did.
5. True partnership is a force multiplier
This type of partnership can only come when you don’t need someone to complete you.
When both people are already whole, the relationship becomes a third entity that is greater than the sum of its parts.
The greatest gift Claire and I have given each other isn’t unconditional support.
It’s a shared commitment to growth–even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
The path to personal growth isn’t always up and to the right. It’s a sine wave, with peaks and valleys.
When you know your partner has your back, you can embrace the times when you aren’t your best.
You can let go of the need for perfection, the destructive illusion that you always have to have it all together.
And it’s in those spaces that you can begin to see your true nature. That is when we let go of our stories, our beliefs that we are not enough, and we can start to embody wholeness.
And when you share a commitment to growing together, to holding up a mirror for each other, the partnership becomes the mechanism for allowing greatness to emerge.
I hold a truth within the core of my being: Claire and I are better together than we are apart.
And that truth gives me the strength to create an unwavering commitment to our partnership, even in times of conflict.
She is my rock, my soulmate, and my best friend.
She’s made my life better than I could have ever imagined.
In my hierarchy of true wealth, relational wealth sits second, on top of health.
Today, I feel wealthy beyond belief. Finding my soulmate is the foundation of my lived experience of true wealth.
I write this not to brag (even though I brag about my wife all the time.)
I write it to inspire you.
Perhaps you haven’t met your soulmate yet – let this be an inspiration for what’s possible.
Perhaps your soulmate is sitting right next to you, but the slow wear of raising kids, paying bills and arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes have created a chasm that’s obscuring the truth.
Or maybe you feel trapped with a person you chose before this version of you existed. You know the relationship has run it’s course, that the two of you are no longer holding a shared vision. Maybe the years of hurt feel too impossible to overcome.
I was once in such a relationship. I was resigned to my fate, having given up on the idea that lasting love was even possible, much less for me.
Even though I was married, I was alone. I filled my time with other pursuits, like my kids, my business and my endless hobbies, trying to fill a hole that I didn’t want to name.
I was terrified that if I did, I would lose everything I had built. My family, my wealth, my friends.
And then one day, the pain of staying the same finally outweighed the perceived pain of change.
I decided to end my marriage.
And the pain was fierce and nearly overwhelming. All of my fears seemed like they were coming true.
I only got to see my kids half the time. Friends turned their back on me. I gave up half of my net worth shortly after celebrating the sale of my business.
It was even harder than I imagined it would be. There were times when I told my closest friends that if I had known what was coming, I’m not sure I would have gone through with it.
But through the pain, the bitter court battles, and the devastating feeling of aloneness, something new began to emerge.
I met the woman of my dreams. She instantly felt like coming home. It was like I had met the female version of myself. She was confident, dynamic and she forced me to think differently.
She made me want to become the best version of myself. Not because I wasn’t good enough, but because I could finally see what was possible.
So wherever you are on the path, know this: the possibility exists for you, too.
Whether you are still waiting to meet them, have grown apart, or need to make a change for something new to emerge, everything you want is on the other side of what you fear.
You simply have to open yourself to the possibility.
Maybe it means putting yourself out there with intention, and facing the risk of rejection and heartbreak.
Maybe it means setting aside old wounds and building from a new perspective.
Or maybe it means naming the truth of your current situation.
But regardless of what’s keeping you from your heart’s desire, it all starts with one step: first coming home to yourself. And that starts with naming the true cost of staying where you are.
And then, choosing to do something about it.
Whatever it is for you, take it from me. It’s worth it. Keep going. Face your fears and allow the possibility.
You never know what’s waiting on the other side.
To finding true wealth in partnership,
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