“I am so ready to be past this part of the transition. Trying to figure out how to stay focused in the midst of chaos.”
This message landed in my inbox this week from a friend, and it struck me deeply because I’ve been there. We’ve all been there.
The messy middle.
That space between where we were and where we’re going. The uncomfortable void between what was and what will be.
It’s that phase where nothing feels certain. The old way no longer works, but the new way hasn’t fully emerged. Every major transition in life contains this space, though we rarely talk about it.
I’ve found myself in this void more times than I can count. After my divorce, there was a period where I felt completely untethered. The life I had built, the identity I had crafted, suddenly dissolved. I wasn’t a husband anymore. The future I had imagined vanished overnight.
Then again, after I sold my company. I had achieved what I thought was the pinnacle – the thing that would make me happy forever. Instead, I found myself in an existential crisis, questioning who I was without the company I had built.
As entrepreneurs, we’re wired to solve problems. When something isn’t working, we fix it. When we see an opportunity, we seize it. When we face an obstacle, we find a way around it, over it, or through it.
But what happens when we can’t solve our way out?
When the only path forward is through?
One of my favorite quotes captures this perfectly:
“All unhappiness stems from not accepting things as they are.”
Think about that for a moment.
Our suffering doesn’t come from the situation itself, but from our resistance to it. From wishing it were different. From wanting to be anywhere but here.
I see this play out with fellow founders all the time. A CEO who can’t let go of day-to-day operations even though she knows she needs to step into a more strategic role. A founder who keeps micromanaging his team because he’s afraid of losing control. An agency owner who knows she needs to raise her prices but keeps putting it off because she’s afraid of losing clients.
In each case, the suffering comes from resisting what needs to happen next.
I learned this lesson the hard way after my exit. I had sold my company and thought I would never be unhappy again. Two years later, I was losing $100,000 a month in a failed turnaround attempt, and some days I couldn’t even get out of bed to face the day.
I kept trying to solve my way out. To fix it. To make it different than it was.
But here’s what I finally learned: The path through chaos isn’t about finding the solution – it’s about learning to sit in the discomfort without trying to change it.
Instead of fighting the waves, we learn to float.
This isn’t about giving up. It’s about acknowledging where we are, exactly as we are, so we can move forward with clarity rather than desperation.
When we’re in constant resistance to our current reality, we’re using precious energy that could be directed toward intentional growth and progress.
Think of it like swimming against a riptide. The more you fight it, the more exhausted you become. But when you stop fighting and float, you conserve energy and can swim parallel to the shore until you’re out of the current.
Right now, I’m in another messy middle.
I’m building something new, something that matters deeply to me. Some days, I catch myself getting impatient, wanting to push harder, move faster. I have to remind myself that the right things take time.
The foundations we build in these moments – the habits, the relationships, the deeper understanding of ourselves – these are investments in our future that can’t be rushed.
I’ve learned that sometimes, treading water is exactly what we need to do. Our impatience often leads us to change course before our solutions have time to work. We abandon the very habits and practices that would lead us to success because we can’t see immediate results.
The same principle applies to any major life transition. Whether you’re:
- Going through a divorce
- Selling a company
- Scaling your team
- Shifting your service offerings
- Navigating a rebrand
- Or transforming your role from doer to leader
The path forward starts with accepting where you are.
This doesn’t mean you have to like it. You don’t have to pretend it’s fun or easy. You just have to stop wishing it were different.
Because here’s the truth: It will be different someday. That’s the nature of transitions – they’re temporary by definition.
But if we’re so busy fighting against where we are, we miss the wisdom that only comes from fully experiencing the journey.
Sometimes, I still forget this lesson and have to begin again. That’s okay too. The practice isn’t about perfection; it’s about returning to presence again and again.
This is what I mean when I talk about building unbreakable wealth. It’s not just about the numbers in your bank account. It’s about building the internal resources to navigate any situation with grace and intentionality.
Because here’s what I know for sure: The messy middle is where the magic happens. It’s where we develop the muscles of resilience and adaptability. It’s where we learn who we really are.
And sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is nothing at all.
Just be present.
Just breathe.
Just float.
So if you’re in the messy middle right now, I invite you to take a deep breath and simply allow the waves to crash over you.
Stop swimming against the tide.
Float.
To finding peace in the chaos,
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